Chinese Sexuality / American Sexuality

Hi, it's me, long time no blog (that's something of a joke since we might have gotten the phrase "long time no see" from the Chinese since they have one that directly translates to that). But I'm not going to worry about the gaps between blogs anymore. I'm just going to do my best to post whenever I can. I hope everyone will understand that I'm really busy with classes and trying to explore China as fully as I can. I don't know if I'll ever get a chance like this again. But, from September 28th to October 4th I was on vacation for the National Day Holiday (pretty much the whole country is on vacation from October 1st to October 7th). I went to Xi'an and Beijing and I was so busy that I had no time for blogging. And in Xi'an I didn't even have Internet! And when I got back to Nanjing I literally did nothing for 3 days because I was so exhausted. Hopefully I'll be able to talk about the stuff I saw later.

Right now, I would like to discuss sex in China. Sex isn't really something most people are comfortable talking about. But I have just become insanely curious since talking with my Chinese friend. She's 6 years older than me and extremely intelligent but she is very naïve when it comes to sex and sexual relations.

I became aware of this fact when we were on our vacation in Xi'an. We were visiting the Big Goose Pagoda and when we were wandering through the Buddhist temple's gardens we came upon an unusual sight: chickens mating.

Me and my American counterparts immediately said something along the lines of "chicken sex..." and starting laughing nervously. Our Chinese friend was confused and said something like "What?! They're fighting!" We calmly explained that they were definitely mating. She was still very confused. She wondered why they would behave the way they were behaving. We said that it was the way chickens make chicks. If they don't do that the eggs aren't fertilized and that's what we eat. If the male doesn't "mount" the female the eggs are just the chicken's "period." She said "Oh... I thought if you just put the egg in heat (incubate it) it would make a chick... hm." So this event sparked my curiosity.

Later, I learned from the same girl that in China, boys do not think about sex. They think about finding a girl to marry. They want to court her and they will think about which fluffy stuffed animal might be the cutest to her. They do not think about ways to get into her pants. They will also pay for everything and are even expected to have a car and a house ready for both of them to live in before they can get married. And a girl is considered "damaged goods" or a "dirty tramp" if she has sex out of wedlock. Which seems very old-fashioned to a modern American girl like me. So, it seems that Chinese teenagers don't think about sex very often or at all. The plot thickens.

So, then I learned that in middle schools - and even in high schools - Chinese girls are expected to have boyish haircuts and where baggy clothes: anything to downplay their burgeoning womanhood. The schools have a policy against something that translates to "early dating" and they do everything to prevent relations between boys and girls. Also, the term "early dating" invokes feelings of deep shame in Chinese people. So much so that they are trying to downplay the harsh term by creating another one that means the same thing. My Chinese friend told me that if a girl received a love note from a boy she would immediately turn it in to her teacher to prove that she did not try to start an "early dating" relationship. And that her teacher told them that there was no point starting a relationship at their age because it would lead to nothing. They would just end up going through relationships like they "go through DVDs in a DVD player." And the students listened to the teacher.

I just find this to be a striking contrast to American students. If any authority figure (teachers, parents, etc.) tells them to do something the chances are high that they will rebel and do just the opposite. Apparently it is not the same for Chinese students. Perhaps it is just a result of their upbringing and Chinese cultural history. The Chinese have always been ruled by one powerful force: first Emperors and Dynasties and now the Communist Party and it's leaders. And that history of obedience has lasted for 5,000 years. However, I have also heard it said that Americans are motivated by ideas of sin and morality while the Chinese are motivated by ideas of shame and family honor. Perhaps the difference lies there.

But, the Chinese media is censored by the government and it does not portray sex or any form of sexuality while the American media is saturated with sex.

I still have no idea exactly how Chinese people learn about sex (and what exactly they learn) but it seems to me that by not talking about sex and not advertising it anywhere, the Chinese are at least being consistent. In the US, how can we expect abstinence only programs (which the Chinese seem to be applying in some way) to work when all kids see on TV and in magazines is sexual imagery?

So, while the Chinese system seems to be successful in keeping teenagers from having sex (as far as I can tell) the American system is in horrible shape. Teenage pregnancy rates are the highest they've been in a long time. Certainly the highest out of all the first world countries. I think it's a clear sign that abstinence only does not work in the United States.

When I was a kid I was given all the details I wanted. From my school and from literature my parents provided. I was never told I had to wait until I was married for sex, just that I should wait until I found someone I was in love with. And I have only had one sexual partner in my entire life and I'm engaged and ready to marry him.

Basically, my point is, education about sex does not cause kids to have sex. People need to realize that. Maybe in China they can get away with telling their children nothing because of their culture and the fact that there is no sexual material readily available. But, in the US, kids are confronted with sex all the time. They need to be prepared for it. Abstinence only does not cut it. People never think that educating kids about drugs will cause them to go out and get high. They think it will help them make smarter decisions about drugs. Why would educating them about sex be any different?

This post went in a direction I didn't expect it to go in. Oh well, I hope the whole thing is coherent and full of wisdom. I don't want to go back and read over everything I wrote.

I hope you all enjoyed my impromptu essay!

~Brianna~

Dr. Pepper and Sour Gummy Worms

Ahh! I must blog everyday! What is wrong with me?! I feel like every time I do this I should be like "Blog, please forgive me for I have sinned, it has been *blank* days since my last post." So, Blog, please forgive me for I have sinned it has been 8 days since my last post...

If it's any consolation I haven't blogged because I've been trying to avoid my thoughts rather than try to make sense of them. I've been feeling homesick and missing my Eric and my family members. So I've just been watching Weeds almost non-stop whenever I'm sitting in my room. I've been doing anything to distract myself because it's like I have this gaping, abyss-like hole somewhere in my mind that wants to suck me down into wallowing in self-pity and crying because I'm homesick. So, I bolt the door shut with Weeds and activities.

But it's been really strong lately and I have broken down a few times. Right now I have it under control. I even went to an import store and saw lots of products I haven't seen in like a month. It made me nostalgic and I did want to buy all of them but I restricted my purchases to poptarts and sour gummy worms for now. Seeing the Dr. Pepper and sour gummy worms made me think of Eric, but it didn't make me cry so that's good.

I'm excited to go to Xi'an and Beijing next week. There are lots of activities planned so I need to make sure my camera is fully charged. I'm also going to try to meet up with one of my mom's business contacts. She is in insurance and told her bosses about me going to China and they got super excited and got two Chinese people in touch with me. So I'm going to meet up with Chen Nanyang in Beijing and probably be treated to a lot of food and drink. I don't drink though and it's like impolite to refuse a drink in China. I'm going to have to figure out how to deal with that. I would really really not like to get drunk. Also, they'll feed you until you burst unless you tell them repeatedly that you're full and leave food on your plate. I think it will be a really cool experience though.

I don't really feel like blogging anymore. I will have to write more later. I promise to come back.

XOXO,
Brianna

So Tired So Sleepy

Hi!

So I'm keeping my promise by blogging today. I feel good about that. I just don't really feel like writing about anything so I'll probably write about everything. I feel so drained. Being sick is really messing me up. Also, I'm afraid people won't invite me to go places with them anymore because I keep not going. It's already started, people have stopped inviting me. They just leave without me. I want to go I just don't have the energy. I don't know if they know that though.

Eric (my fiance, for anyone who doesn't know) thinks I complain about being sick and stressing about my classes too much so... I won't talk about that. I have always done that. I'm trying to figure out why. I don't think of it as complaining either though it probably still is. It's just something that's bothering me, at the forefront, at the tip of my mind, so to type. So since that's what I'm thinking about that's what I type about or converse about. It's really just talking about what's on my mind, not complaining. I just wish I had good things to talk about. I wish there were good things at the forefront, at the tip of my mind. But instead I've just been trying to shake off being sick and trying to go to class and do my homework. I'm not exactly having amazing adventures in China right now.

I read somewhere that the average adult laughs 7 times a day. I haven't been laughing a lot lately, definitely less than average. I need to find a way to watch The Daily Show and the Colbert Report. Those shows always crack me up. Coughing has replaced laughing.

What is there to laugh about anyway when random tragedy can strike at any time? I mean, my problems are trivial and meaningless compared to what's happened to Eric's aunt: home evasion, boyfriend shot dead, shot 4 times then kept under blankets for three hours with no medical care and just some sips of water. All because the cops wouldn't stop a speeding car. Maybe in a few months she'll have physically recovered and then in two years maybe she'll emotionally recover. It's horrible. I wish I could do more than just sit behind a computer screen but I can't. I want to give Eric a hug but I can't. Bad things didn't use to happen around me but whatever good luck I had evaporated a while ago. I almost feel like I did something wrong to lose the shield that prevented tragedy from happening to me and people I care about.

At least Eric's family is gathering around his aunt, creating a support network. She was estranged and now that they almost lost her everyone has realized how important she is to them and is reconnecting with her. At least that's one positive. I understand that, I've been through it.

I've been through this enough now that I can discern a pattern in the way that I react to horrible things:

Step One: Shock. I numbly take in the information about the event and ask questions when necessary.

Step Two: The horror of it hits me and I start to cry.

Step Three: I stop crying and file the event somewhere else in my head, maybe I cry about it later.

Step Four: I try to avoid mentioning the details of the incident to the people most directly involved. I use euphemistic phrasing if it is brought up and I don't bring it up myself. I don't often ask for information. I don't want to upset them. In some cases this has led to me not knowing all the details about an event. But sometimes I don't think I want them. It's like I try to pretend it never happened. I don't like upsetting people unnecessarily and I don't want to dwell on things because then I won't get them out of my head. I have a vivid imagination and I can always see it all playing out over and over again in my head. So, I just try to go about my everyday life and not think about it or I'll never stop. I think I also do it because I can't deal with other people's pain. I feel so helpless when confronted with it. I don't know how to comfort them. I really want to help and I want to be there for them but I don't know what to do. There's nothing I can do. I hate that. Hugging is my only recourse.

Well, that's all for tonight. I'm going to read my newest eBook on my laptop and lose myself in someone else's story. When I get hungry I'll eat a ham and cheese sandwich with some milk tea and then go to sleep. Just trying to go about my everyday life.

Brianna

P.S. My water tastes like dirt. Bleh.

Guilty Long Post to Make up for Not Blogging

Ok, I have been doing a terrible job keeping my blog up-to-date. That changes now! I solemnly swear to write a blog post everyday. There! I wrote it, and it's the truth (Tenacious D reference, heehee). I hope the Honors program will forgive me, I've been sick and getting adjusted!

I'm feeling better though, my stomach is now allowing me to eat food again, though it seems to have shrunk in size, which is probably a good thing. I would really like to lose like 15 pounds while I'm here. That's about 5 pounds a month. That doesn't seem like an unrealistic goal. But, I want to lose it in a healthy way. Not because I'm sick and can't eat. I have a gym membership and since it was like 45 American dollars a month I must use it. I will work out and get fit, toned, and skinny. Mid Autumn Festival Resolution. Not that people make Mid Autumn Festival Resolutions...as far as I know.

The Mid Autumn Festival is coming up. I don't really know too much about it. Basically it's a celebration of the harvest season or something like that. There is traditional food like moon cakes (yuebing), jiaozi, zhongzi, and yuanxiao. The Chinese Americans in my group say it's all amazing and they're really excited to eat it all. My history teacher said we might see images of a moon goddess. She told us the myth about how the ruler during the Xia Dynasty's (which is the earliest Chinese dynasty and there is no physical evidence to prove it existed just a historical record that has been proven accurate on other events) wife ate an herb in the forest and became so light that she floated up to the moon. She was too light to get back to Earth so she lives there with just a jade rabbit for company and she is lonely. I'm sure I'll learn more about it soon. We get a break from school for it. However, we have to go to class on the weekend to make up for the days we miss during the break. So it's kind of like yay! aw.

Back to the skinny thing, there are no fat people in China. Seriously. No joke. I only see skinny people. There are maybe a few who are carrying a couple extra pounds but you couldn't call them fat. It's pretty amazing. I'm not sure if it's their dedication to exercise or a high metabolism or good diet or what but it's something I envy. But I fit in well enough, I'm pretty average size here. Which is good because I can buy clothes easily. I'm the right height, right shoe size, right body size (though I still would like to lose 15 pounds and be back where I was in high school) for the clothes. Which is good because they seem to come in one-size-fits-all for the most part. Ok, enough of that.

So, since I've been sick I asked Liang (our bilingual RA) to help me get some medicine. It was really interesting to here some of the Chinese ideas about health. For example, in the West, if you are sick people will tell you to stay in bed and rest. Liang told me that even if I don't go to class I should still get out of the room and walk around outside, get some fresh air. Of course, as I have covered, I don't really consider any air here fresh. I don't think they have air purifiers either. Liang didn't really seem to understand what I was talking about though she thought it was a good idea and wondered why they didn't have any.

She also took me to a fruit/vegetable/meat market where I bought 4 bananas. I was looking at the apples when this huge bug flew up from somewhere in the pile and started buzzing around. I, having a tremendous fear of bugs, immediately panicked and began hiding behind people and trying to run away from it. Everyone else just went about their business and didn't even notice it. I felt really silly. But, I didn't buy any more fruit. The smell was pretty bad in the place especially since my stomach still wasn't doing so good. Liang commented on it being awful as well.

I think that's all I'll write for now. More later. I will try to talk about some differences between China and the US.

Brianna

Sick

I haven't written a blog post in a while because I've been feeling sick. I don't know what it is about China but it seems as if the country is trying to kill me.

I think the food tastes delicious but then I've got stomach cramps and I can't force myself to eat anything. I can't even tell anymore if I'm hungry or just in pain. I don't know what to do. I've taken lots of stomach medicine but now I'm worried that the stomach medicine on an empty stomach is hurting more than helping. So I haven't taken any in 24 hours. I just want to eat a simple sandwich. However, I feel too weak to go out and get one. I think I even know where to get one. I think that is something that's bringing me down too. The fact that I have to go out to get anything to eat. I just wish I could stock up on stuff to make food but there's really no way to do that with my tiny mini-fridge that I'm sharing with my roommate. We just have a square foot of chilled space and a toaster oven that I'm afraid will catch on fire. I don't really know what to do.

Then, there's the allergies or sinus problems or whatever you want to call them. I have had every issue with my nose from runny, stuffy, drainy. Right now it's relatively clear thanks to Claritin. My supply won't last forever though. And I wake up every morning with a sore throat. Right now though I'm just full of mucus and pressure. I can feel it in my ears and my head. I get random sinus headaches. Every time I swallow my ears pop and the mucus in my throat sloshes around and makes me cough. I wish I had some Mucinex even though I've never really used it so I couldn't say if it would work or not. They must have something like that here but I wouldn't know how to recognize it. And I would have to go outside and walk in the heat and humidity which would not be helpful. I can barely even manage to just sit here.

Eric accuses me of being an old lady complaining about my aches and pains. But I really just want to feel normal. How am I supposed to have a good experience here if I can't even move to go out and experience it? If I don't get better soon I might just have to go home so I don't die. What's the point of staying here if I'm just going to be sick the whole time?

Excuse Me While I Kiss The Sky

Today, I could see the blue of the sky.

I never thought that just the sight of a sliver of blue sky could fill me with such happiness. It was pure blue and the sun shone through and I felt a place inside me that I didn't even know was empty fill up with joy.

OK, that's a tad melodramatic. But you don't understand how much you need to see the sky until it's gone. Every day a light gray smog cloud drops down and grips the shoulders of the buildings in this city. It smothers the sun and the sky until everything looks even more dirty and ramshackle than it really is. I find myself yearning to look up out of the haze of gray hot humidity and see a cheerful blue.

Sorry, I sort of sunk into histrionics again. But I don't know, I want to write this blog like prose so in case I ever feel like writing a memoir or something I have some excellent material to draw from. Plus, I want anyone who reads this to feel like they're actually seeing and feeling what I'm describing. I mean, I'm supposed to be a writer. Therefore, I strive for exquisite description.

Anyway, to offset the gray urban landscape I've been placed into I have purchased a small bamboo plant. I really think I'm incapable of caring for plants but I once managed to keep a bamboo plant alive for a few years so hopefully I can manage with this one too. If not, I can callously say that it was only 45 kuai.

For now I will gaze rapturously at the slice of blue the universe has begrudgingly offered up, following the example of the bamboo. We turn our leaves to the light.

Blogging From China / Doing Laundry

Nihao!

Wow, I'm blogging from Nanjing, China. I have been needing to start doing this. I originally started this whole blogging thing for a class and now I'm using it to get honors credit for a Chinese Culture class I'm taking. I seem to only blog if I need to for a grade. Oh well, I'm going to have to do it every day for this one. I'm already behind because I'm starting like 9 days late. But I have a good excuse, I've been really busy and tired. There's been so much stuff going on in the last 9 days that this is the first chance I've had to really start this blogging thing.

I was thinking about going through and summarizing all the events and things that have happened to me but I think I'll pass. I'll probably just talk about them as they come up naturally.

Right now I'm sitting in my hotel room/dorm waiting for the laundry services to open up. I have to admit that I was really scared to do my laundry here. I'm so used to doing it myself and the idea of other people handling my clothes is really scary. If they shrink or get destroyed or something I don't have any clothes left basically. I only packed a limited number. I went down a few minutes ago and the laundry room was closed. I looked in through the plexiglass door from the gray cement room with ping pong tables and some hard pink chairs and wooden end tables and saw my clothes neatly folded up on a self. So, I'm not so nervous anymore. I just have to wait until they open.

Dropping the laundry off was an experience in itself though. The woman said "wash and dry" and I agreed. I tried to communicate that I wanted my clothes washed on gentle cycle in cold water, tumble dry low but that didn't work so well. There is a girl in my group named Jessica who is American/Chinese and speaks Mandarin fluently (but can't read or write it) who tried to help me and another girl (Alex) out. She said the woman was very rude and that our clothes would be ready in "About a day, I don't know!" We had to make sure each load was under 2 kg. So I had to do three loads, one for shirts and other soft fabric clothes and two for my jeans: 3 pair per load. I had to pour laundry detergent into plastic cups for each load. I borrowed some of Jessica's since we had this plan to all share detergent. I felt weird about it though, I'll probably just buy my own. I don't want to have to go into other people's rooms and take their detergent when I need to do laundry.

So, after we left the clothes we had to go from the basement to the building next door's lobby. We had to pay for the laundry services there and get tickets to pick our clothes up. Mine was 42 yuan or $6.20. I don't have much experience with laundromats but I think that's kind of expensive. Oh well, at least they folding my clothes for me so they wouldn't wrinkle. That's priceless to me.

I like to keep my blog posts organized according to subject so I think this one is done for now.

Xiexie