Salutations!
I haven't mentioned this yet but I am planning on going to Beijing, China this year for my fall semester. I have taken a year of Mandarin Chinese in college and I really love the language. I want to immerse myself in the language and Chinese culture. I want to become as fluent as possible. I also want to see all of the amazing historical sites and have an awesome time. I would also like to make some friends. Overall, I am very excited about it even though I have to be away from my fiance for almost four months. I think I can get through the pain of being separated from him as long as I can keep myself incredibly busy. I'm more worried about him than I am about me. I also hate the fact that I'm costing my mom so much money. She wants me to have everything that she never had. She didn't get to graduate from college because of family and money problems so she is going to do everything she can to make sure I can graduate and make whatever I want out of my life. She also thinks going to China is an amazing opportunity for me (which it is) and that it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing (which it is) and she doesn't want me to miss out because of money. I am trying to help her out as much as possible though. For example, I will use my own money as spending money. I am also going to apply to as many scholarships as I can even though my course load this semester is frightful. I have just applied to a scholarship in fact. The NAU GO Study Abroad scholarship. If I win I will have to write a blog. I do not think that will be a problem ;) I am afraid that I won't be eligible for the scholarship though because I am going to a program that NAU does not directly run. I think I will be crushed if that is the case even though it doesn't say how much the scholarship is worth. It just says "amount varies." But anyway, here is the essay I wrote for the scholarship.
I believe I should be one of the recipients of this scholarship because I am a sensitive, brilliant American with an active, imaginative, and open mind. I would make an excellent representative from the US of A. I would not wear tropical shirts, point obnoxiously, or speak English loudly and slowly. I would be respectful and immerse myself in the local culture. I would experience life in China without judgments or reservations.
I believe I should be one of the recipients of this scholarship because I want to learn how to speak fluent Mandarin Chinese and I understand the importance of language. I am sick of being monolingual. The majority of the world is multilingual. I want to join them. I understand that language is an expression of culture and identity; the way people speak reflects the way they view the world. Every language is unique and complex and there are words and phrases in each that cannot be translated. I love using the English language to express my thoughts, feelings, sense of humor, etc. but I want to express myself in multiple dimensions. I want to learn how to express myself in Mandarin Chinese and learn how its native speakers view the world. I want to expand my global vocabulary.
I believe I should be one of the recipients of this scholarship because I would write an amazing blog. I am an English major. I know how to create vivid and engaging imagery. I know how to portray human emotion. I could show other students who are considering studying abroad my experiences in Technicolor and inspire them to strive towards their own.
I believe I should be one of the recipients of this scholarship because I am a spoiled child. My mother refuses to let me get any student loans to pay for my Cadillac of study abroad programs. She refuses to let me give her any of my money and insists I use it only as spending money. She insists on paying my half of the rent and utilities for the apartment I share with my fiancé for four months so that he doesn’t have to find another place to live and I don’t have to find a place to store my stuff. She wants to pay the tuition so that I can take three summer school classes so that I can make sure I still graduate on time even though I’ll be gone for a semester. She is willing to do all of this even though it will strain her substantial resources. I deserve this scholarship so that I can at least help her – my amazing, generous mother – in some small way.
I believe I should be one of the recipients of this scholarship because I am an incredibly motivated and hard-working individual. I have been an overachiever since I was in preschool. I have always given my entire being to my education. I have cried more tears for school than for family tragedies. I am disappointed in myself when I get a B. I am not exaggerating. I put so much effort into the education system and I think I deserve for the education system to support me in some monetary way. I am the future and I deserve to be bright.
~Brianna
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The Zone and My Sleep
Hello there.
I haven't written one of this post thingys in awhile (not that anyone reads them.) I have been too busy suffocating under a crapload of busy. I'm in that stage of my junior year college spring semester where I cry at a sign of sympathy from anyone. I don't really know why that is. It's like I can only hold it together when its self-contained; just keeping up some internal encouragement monologue so that I can keep juggling chainsaws, axes, samurai swords, etc. while walking over a hot bed of coals as I do my taxes. But the moment someone else walks by and is like "Holy smokes Batman! How do you do it!" I lose the momentum that keeps me hurtling forward and face plant in smoldering natural resources.
But crying is a weird symptom of stress. I feel like a body under stress should try to conserve its energy and fluids not hemorrhage them when a passing stranger says, "Are you okay?" But I don't know, I guess it's cathartic. I generally only cry when I'm upset anyway. I never cry during sad moments in movies, TV shows, books, etc. I am "moved to tears" I would say but they do not manifest. They only manifest with any kind of regularity when I'm stressed or pissed off at someone. This fact has always irritated me. Whenever I fight with anyone I want to seem strong and in control but I always end up bawling. I always want to shout, "I'm crying 'cause I hate you so friggin' much not because you hurt me!" In a perfect world...
In a perfect world I would be asleep right now. I was planning on going to sleep, I really was. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. But as I was smearing high potency acne medication (do not use if you plan on becoming pregnant, what?) on my slightly damp skin I realized I was in The Zone.
The Zone is a tricky entity. The Zone is writing zen, nirvana. The Zone is stream-of-consciousness that is good. I can't write a good blog if I'm not in The Zone. That might be another reason I haven't written anything in so long, I wasn't in The Zone for that long.
The last recorded instance of The Zone occurred Thursday March 25th. It was triggered by a Shakespeare test on The Merchant of Venice and Othello. I wrote 5 pages of brilliant Shakespeare analysis in an hour and a half. It's impossible to do that without The Zone. The Zone must be induced by that potent combination of furious thought and limited time.
However, after the test, still in The Zone, I went to have lunch with my fiance's grandparents at the Olive Garden instead of sitting down to write a masterpiece. So, I cannot go to sleep till I have at least utilized this incarnation of The Zone to my best ability. Thus, I keep writing.
But I really should go to sleep. There is this cautionary fable for children whose moral is: say please. I read it as a kid and I think it stuck with me because of the way they personified "please." The Please is a tiny jester-looking creature that lives somewhere in your mouth and every time you use it it gets out to breathe some fresh air. Fresh air being all it needs to survive and thrive. If you do not use your Please, however, it withers away and is very sad. I feel like this story could be applied to Sleep. Sleep of course would be a tiny sandman-looking creature. My Sleep is malnourished and starving because it does not get used enough. But my Sleep is not a Please. It does not kindly hide somewhere in the body when it is neglected. No, when I bring Sleep out it is aggressively needy. It needs to get out in that fresh air. It's so aggressive that it sometimes does not let me put it away. So I'm forced to stave off Sleep - even though I don' t want to - just so I can get things done because if I let it take over I won't wake for at least 12 hours if not more. The only thing that works is alarms and an amazing ability to resist temptation. Though I have to admit, sometimes that siren call is too much and I miss classes and hours go by like seconds in a hazy dreamworld.
That call is overtaking me now. I feel like I have blogged enough. I am going to go to sleep. I have earned it and my Sleep has earned some fresh air. Goodnight, sweet Internet.
Brianna
I haven't written one of this post thingys in awhile (not that anyone reads them.) I have been too busy suffocating under a crapload of busy. I'm in that stage of my junior year college spring semester where I cry at a sign of sympathy from anyone. I don't really know why that is. It's like I can only hold it together when its self-contained; just keeping up some internal encouragement monologue so that I can keep juggling chainsaws, axes, samurai swords, etc. while walking over a hot bed of coals as I do my taxes. But the moment someone else walks by and is like "Holy smokes Batman! How do you do it!" I lose the momentum that keeps me hurtling forward and face plant in smoldering natural resources.
But crying is a weird symptom of stress. I feel like a body under stress should try to conserve its energy and fluids not hemorrhage them when a passing stranger says, "Are you okay?" But I don't know, I guess it's cathartic. I generally only cry when I'm upset anyway. I never cry during sad moments in movies, TV shows, books, etc. I am "moved to tears" I would say but they do not manifest. They only manifest with any kind of regularity when I'm stressed or pissed off at someone. This fact has always irritated me. Whenever I fight with anyone I want to seem strong and in control but I always end up bawling. I always want to shout, "I'm crying 'cause I hate you so friggin' much not because you hurt me!" In a perfect world...
In a perfect world I would be asleep right now. I was planning on going to sleep, I really was. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. But as I was smearing high potency acne medication (do not use if you plan on becoming pregnant, what?) on my slightly damp skin I realized I was in The Zone.
The Zone is a tricky entity. The Zone is writing zen, nirvana. The Zone is stream-of-consciousness that is good. I can't write a good blog if I'm not in The Zone. That might be another reason I haven't written anything in so long, I wasn't in The Zone for that long.
The last recorded instance of The Zone occurred Thursday March 25th. It was triggered by a Shakespeare test on The Merchant of Venice and Othello. I wrote 5 pages of brilliant Shakespeare analysis in an hour and a half. It's impossible to do that without The Zone. The Zone must be induced by that potent combination of furious thought and limited time.
However, after the test, still in The Zone, I went to have lunch with my fiance's grandparents at the Olive Garden instead of sitting down to write a masterpiece. So, I cannot go to sleep till I have at least utilized this incarnation of The Zone to my best ability. Thus, I keep writing.
But I really should go to sleep. There is this cautionary fable for children whose moral is: say please. I read it as a kid and I think it stuck with me because of the way they personified "please." The Please is a tiny jester-looking creature that lives somewhere in your mouth and every time you use it it gets out to breathe some fresh air. Fresh air being all it needs to survive and thrive. If you do not use your Please, however, it withers away and is very sad. I feel like this story could be applied to Sleep. Sleep of course would be a tiny sandman-looking creature. My Sleep is malnourished and starving because it does not get used enough. But my Sleep is not a Please. It does not kindly hide somewhere in the body when it is neglected. No, when I bring Sleep out it is aggressively needy. It needs to get out in that fresh air. It's so aggressive that it sometimes does not let me put it away. So I'm forced to stave off Sleep - even though I don' t want to - just so I can get things done because if I let it take over I won't wake for at least 12 hours if not more. The only thing that works is alarms and an amazing ability to resist temptation. Though I have to admit, sometimes that siren call is too much and I miss classes and hours go by like seconds in a hazy dreamworld.
That call is overtaking me now. I feel like I have blogged enough. I am going to go to sleep. I have earned it and my Sleep has earned some fresh air. Goodnight, sweet Internet.
Brianna
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