Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I Fall in Love with Fictional Characters


I feel like I should maybe explain the title of my blog: "Brianna's Brain." When I first created the blog and it had that empty space where a title should go I started panicking. I felt like I had to choose a really good title because I didn't know if I could go back in and change it later.

So I picked "Brianna's Brain."

I think the literalness of it works since I basically am attempting to display my gray matter all over your computer screen.

But I mainly chose it because of an episode of Star Trek called "Spock's Brain," even though it's pretty much the worst episode ever.

Yes, I am a little bit of a trekkie. I am, perhaps, (warning: lame joke approaching) bi-trek-curious. Ha. Ha. My fiance Eric wishes I didn't like Star Trek. He is die-hard Star Wars and he thinks I should be too. I don't really see the problem with liking both. Star Wars has the action, romance, politics, religion thing covered. Star Trek has the tension, science, fictional alien culture, Spock thing covered. Of course, these things do overlap to some extent. Except for Spock.

I got into Star Trek because of the new movie that came out recently. It was so awesome and I just wanted more of it. So I watched the entire Original Series of Star Trek on Youtube and Hulu. That's all I've seen of it. I haven't seen any of the older movies or any of the other series.

But the entire time I have been typing about Star Trek I have been hiding something and I think I should just come out and admit that...

I am in love with Spock.

It's pretty much real love too, not just a crush, as far as I can tell. Spock is thus one of the four men I am romantically in love with.

Lucky for my fiance he is the only man I love that is real and not just a made-up character. I also do not think I would leave Eric for any of my fictional loves. But then I have never actually seen them in person. I am 90% sure I would not leave him for a fictional character.

But anyway, whenever I would watch an episode of Star Trek that I hadn't seen before I would be holding my breath until Spock appeared on the screen. I first fell in love with him when he was played by Zachary Quinto but Leonard Nimoy really is Spock. So that makes it creepy. Nimoy is so old now! I wonder if he's aware that at least one engaged 21-year-old lusts after his younger image. *shudder* He's also a good foot taller than me. I can't help it though. What can I do? Spock is sexy.

Why is Spock sexy? Well, he has pointy ears which I have had a thing for since I was a small child reading books with elves in them. He is also highly intelligent. I am drawn to dizzying feats of intellect. Also, every woman who falls in love with him fails to get him to love her back unless he is under the influence of something (like blue flower dust). I feel like I could get him to love me.

Perhaps that is a fatal flaw of womankind. We desire unattainable men because we think we can attain them when no one else could. Besides the fact that he is, in fact, imaginary, Spock is essentially unattainable. He is half-human half-Vulcan and he professes to not understand human emotions. He tries to be all Vulcan: logical, honest, and emotionless. Then, Spock displays random emotions that he claims not to possess. He is also frequently hilariously sarcastic. Perhaps that's another reason I love him: his sense of humor. He is also incredibly loyal to his friends and he is willing to sacrifice himself to save them, even though he would never admit that he would do something like that. That's why I think he is capable of true love. I don't really have time to get into it, but here is a short list of the reasons I love Spock:

- He has a very strong sense of what's right and what's wrong and he doesn't let anyone shake his confidence in his convictions.
- He is a certifiable genius.
- He is very liberal and open-minded.
- He is incredibly brave and adventurous and he's willing to risk his life for others or for a cause he believes in.
- He is something of a pacifist because he does not believe in taking a life.
- Even though he is a pacifist he will kick serious ass without hesitation if it's the only option he has.
- As I have mentioned before, he is incredibly loyal and he sticks by his friends.
- As I have also mentioned before he has an amazing sense of humor.
- Besides being a science/math/computer whiz he is a musical genius as well! He can play symphonies perfectly on piano the first time he sees them (I have a soft spot for guys who play piano)! He also plays a Vulcan harp.
- Besides being a science/math/computer whiz and a virtuoso, he knows stuff about history, literature, and the arts as well.

These are just a few of the reasons I love him. But, I will admit that he is not perfect. I don't want to talk about his flaws now though.

Anyway, Kirk is always saying that Spock can't love but I think he's completely wrong. He (platonic) loves you Kirk! Why can't he love a girl? Your only examples are the stupid girls who throw themselves at him. They are being ridiculous! Besides the fact that they are all wrong for him, they are so clueless! They claim to love him for who he is "the Vulcan and human parts" and then they go and try to get him to wax poetic to them or kiss them passionately or something. If they really loved him they wouldn't need that. They would be totally fine just to allow him to be his emotion-denying self and deal with the ways he expresses love.

If it was me, I would first find a way to get on the Enterprise and interact with him on a daily basis. Perhaps I would get him to teach me how to play 3-dimensional chess. I know nothing about chess so it would probably take him awhile. I am slightly worried that he would refuse to teach me because he's too busy. But, since I know almost nothing about chess I think he would be too intrigued to refuse. I would then be my normal self and hope that he would find me "fascinating." I think he would. I can be quite fascinating when I'm not paralyzed by shyness. I would definitely have to forget about that around him. I would also not be an insensitive jerk like the rest of the crew members tend to be. If I ever brought up his Vulcan heritage I would not make racial slurs about it. I would only say good things. I can't think of any bad things anyway. I would also take up my flute again and try to get him to play music with me. Then, I would wait. I don't know how long I would have to wait. I think at least five years. He needs time to fall in love. So I would give him time and just be his beautiful charming friend. Then I would wait for him to let slip any more-than-friendly feelings. He might not. Then I would be very sad and probably leave the Star Trek Universe. But, if he did that would be so amazing! I would have to be incredibly vigilant though since his slips are so subtle. Oh, I would also have to become good friends with Kirk and Bones, maybe Scotty too. I think they would help me if I asked in the right way; they think Spock needs to get some. So if Spock did let it slip that he was interested in me I would make a romantic gesture. I would not throw myself at him and confess that I love him, no, that is for Star Trek bimbos. I would move incredibly slowly. I might touch his hand or something when it was obvious that I didn't do it accidentally. Then I would probably gauge his reaction to that and leave him alone for a bit if he needed it. Yes, it would be an excruciatingly long courtship. But I think in the end it would be worth it.

I hope you don't think this post was incredibly silly, geeky, and a waste of your time.

I don't really have time to talk about the other fictional characters I'm in love with, or my fiance. But I feel like I should at least say who the two besides Spock and Eric are: Achmed and Zuko.

Achmed is an immortal assassin king in a series of books by Elizabeth Haydon called "The Symphony of Ages." He is probably more unattainable than Spock. For one thing he is already in love with a beautiful girl who is annoyingly perfect. He is also incredibly paranoid and doesn't trust anyone. Luckily though, he can't have the girl he wants, she's married to someone else and has a kid. But, to be fair, I think he deserves her more than her husband does. But anyway, he is described as being hideously ugly. He is not human. He's half-firbolg half-dhracian. I don't feel like getting into what that means. However, I don't think I would find him unattractive. He's just so amazing! He is probably one of the funniest characters I have ever encountered even though most of his humor is incredibly biting. He is a genius (I have a thing for geniuses). He seems to understand the human condition perfectly. People are also always up in his face about things he's doing and he is always able to make them look like idiots because he's right and they're wrong. He conquers an entire kingdom with a little help from like 3 people. Yeah. He also creates his own weapons and uses them with ridiculous skill. His personal mission is to rid the world of evil. He has a ton of flaws and secrets. I think that is one of the things that makes him so appealing. That's all I'll say about him for now. To really talk about him in-depth I would kind of have to summarize a lot of the books he's in. But anyway, I don't have a strategy for seducing him. I can't figure out how I would even get close to him. His military network would probably kill me before I could even get a mile away from him. He's also devoted to that girl I was talking about. And he is so biting to the people he loves. I don't know if I could take his teasing. I'm too sensitive. But, I can't help loving him. Maybe I could find a way to make it work.

The other fictional character I love is Zuko. This one is probably the most embarrassing. He's a 16-year-old on a Nickelodeon anime-type show called Avatar: The Last Airbender. In the show, people use the four elements: earth, water, fire, and air, kind of like magic. It's based on Asian martial arts and culture. Zuko is an exiled prince who can control fire. He steals the show even though for most of it he's the bad guy. When you first meet him he's really arrogant and hot-tempered. And he's hunting the hero of the show. But then it becomes clear that he's a really complicated guy. He was exiled by his father, the "king." He got exiled because he spoke out against his father's decision to use untrained soldiers as a distraction in battle. He didn't want innocent people slaughtered for no reason! So his father made him enter into a duel with him. He refused to attack his dad. His dad then viciously attacked him and scarred him for life in more ways than one. So, he was sent out to find the hero and capture him, that's the only way for him to regain his father's love. So he becomes obsessed with finding the hero. But he's really a decent person, somehow he managed to avoid being twisted by his horrific dad. No one has ever shown him any mercy, yet he's always showing mercy to people. He never kills any of the guys who attack him even though he could. He is not a genius. He's not the brilliant child. He struggles to get all the skill he can. His sister is great at everything and she teased him throughout his whole childhood. Then she plays power games with him by manipulating his desire for love from his family. The only one he ever got real love back from was his mother. And his father killed her or exiled her (not sure which) when he was a small child. His uncle is the only one who currently shows him real love and it takes him forever to be able to accept it. Eventually he learns that he doesn't need his dad's love. He realizes that he can be the bigger, better person and deny his dad. Then he goes to join the good guys and they reject him at first. I'm not really sure why I love him so much. Maybe just because he was raised in a really twisted family yet somehow managed to become a person with so much integrity and courage. He also really needs a hug.

I hope this post wasn't too boring. These are some of the things I think about when I'm falling asleep at night. I indulge myself in fantasies about these guys to stop the incessant babble about school and life that goes on in my head. I make-up stories where I create a fictional character version of me that could fit into their world and win them over. It really helps me get to sleep. Something I should be doing right now.


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